You’re waiting for someone to push you away
There’s always another wound to discover
There’s always something more you wish she’d say
I always put little hidden meanings in things I put in my blogs or in my facebook statues. I think I really want someone to find them and connect the dots to what I’m really thinking and feeling. For example, I have already put like three little hidden messages in this post already. One time I wrote a blog where every sentences started with a letter and when you take all the letters and added spaces, it spelled something out. I know it’s really dumb, but I like waiting for someone to “figure me out”, so to speak.
Sometimes I write letters to my friends telling them things I’m too scared to actually tell them, and then I either hide it in my computer somewhere or put it somewhere in my room where nobody can find it. I’m not exactly sure why I do this, I think I do it in the case of I die a young death. This way when people go through my stuff they will find the letters and it will be like a final goodbye. Because I worry about stuff like that. Like what if I died tomorrow and I never told you how much I enjoyed going to Tim Horton’s with you two years ago? I mean, I can’t just tell you that because it’s weird and random. But if you read it in a posthumous letter, it’s touching.
I have the most nonsensical fears of people I know. Like when I text someone and they don’t text me back that day, I get scared and I think that person is dead. I would totally call the person and be like hey are you alive? But I know that comes across as super needy and clingy, two things that people don’t tend to be fond of. Also, I just ended that last sentence with a preposition, which if Abby reads, I’m sure it will bother her. But I don’t like when people write a different way then they talk, so I’m not gonna fix it. Sorry Abbz.
I had three girls turn me down last week, and here’s the kicker… I didn’t ask any of them out. They just came out of the blue and told me they didn’t want to date me. It kind of hurt my ego, but also kind of made me mad. Like, just because you’re a really pretty girl doesn’t mean I want to date you. Like sure, there is probably a 90% chance I do, but not 100% chance. So please give me the benefit of the doubt.
Hope, Relief, Rest, Peace, and Love are things we are promised in the bible. But we don’t live like we’re promised any of that. Especially love. We act like we have to find it, but love has already found us. With that said, I’m the biggest hypocrite. Because with that said, I’m still waiting for her to be the one I’m waiting for.
Enough of these 4am ramblings. If you read this blog post for face value, you’ve probably found some stuff out about me you didn’t know. And that’s always fun. If you’ve managed to figure out what I’m really trying to say, awesome… but I doubt it.