Twilight, nuff said.

Now, I’ve never really discussed my loathing for “Twilight” on my blog, but my bitterness is about to be aired publicly. Here are the top 10 reasons “Twilight” really sucks (and not in the way it intends to).

10. Despite her obvious efforts, Valley author Stephanie Meyer is simply an awful writer. I feel horrible saying it, but at this point it has been made clear to the entire world. Sadly, I think her overly simple and cliché writing is what makes the book so appealing. Cracking open a thesaurus doesn’t make you a novelist.

9. These are the worst vampires in history. Rarely do main vampire Edward Cullen and his friends eat at all, despite being “vegetarian” vampires, feeding off animals instead of humans. And where did they gain this conscience? Why do they care if people die? They’re vampires!

8. I want to hit Bella. Not only is the character of Bella lacking any sort of emotional depth, but she allows herself to fall into the arms of an effing vampire. Any sane person would be weary of the situation. Not only that, but she proceeds to continue a bizarre codependent relationship with him. This “I love you … but stay away from me … but come here anyway,” BS that Edward pulls is just unhealthy. On that note …

7. I want to hit Edward. Mostly because he refuses to end Bella’s life by finally feasting on the blood he’s wanted for so long and thereby ending my misery. Go on! She’s delicious.

6. Edward is sooooooooooooooooo hot! OMG! Edward is sooooo freakin’ dreamy. You know how I know? Because Meyer makes hundreds of references to his beauty in the book. All the while, he lives up to being like most hot guys – completely vacant of personality. None of his creepy behavior (watching Bella as she sleeps, following her around so he can save her) would be tolerated if he weren’t 100 percent supa-fine. Which leads to point number 5 …

5. Vampires sparkle! Who knew vampires were so flamboyant? Edward leads Bella to the top of a mountain, where he proceeds to take off his shirt to show her why he can’t go in the sun. He’s sparkly! Do you get it now Bella!? He can’t go out into the sun because people will want to make handbags out of him! Despite that, Bella stares stupidly and tells him he’s “beautiful.” Surprise, surprise! Barf.

4. “You better hang on, spider monkey.” This is the only reason I saw the movie. The first time it was with a friend of mine, who, like most girls, loves the book.

3. The movie has ruined two of my favorite bands. Muse and Radiohead are among the likes of Linkin Park and Paramore on the soundtrack. What!? The filmmakers went so far as to edit out a potentially risky Muse lyric in their song “Supermassive Black Hole.” The opening line of the song “Oh baby don’t you know I suffer? Oh baby can you hear me moan?” was edited down only to the first question. Because you can only moan during sex, you know.

2. Meyer clearly thinks she’s Bella. The plain, average character has five hot guys after her at any given time. Why? Because she’s so virtuous and plain! Guys love that! Meyer would know.

1. Bella sucks. And she’s not even a vampire. She has no problem being a “strong” little sassy pants toward her parents, but she can’t walk out the door without being victimized and therefore saved by the sparkly Edward.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

Those are the top 10 reasons why Twilight sucks strictly from the story itself.  Here are some reasons why Twilight has bad morals from a Christian perspective.

I personally think that no one who wants to keep their brain cells should read Twilight. But I am especially disturbed by how willing Bella is to give up her soul. She tells Edward that she doesn’t care if she gives up her soul, as long as she’s with him. Also, yeah I know they don’t have sex ’til they’re married. But even the smallest thing is overly described emotionally to draw you in: “He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare.” (Smeyer’s vampires literally glitter in sunlight, by the way) The book was also very dark. The whole book consisted of Edward’s homicidal tension. It was much like sexual tension except for the meat of the tension was Edward’s desire to murder Bella (the book’s premise would hold if Edward were a serial killer or rapist fighting his nature). The problem was that Bella didn’t help him fight his temptation. She was in love with him and intimated to him many times that she didn’t really mind if he drank all her blood. She was under his spell when he didn’t necessarily want her to be. My main problem with the story was the darkness, but the close runner-up was the defense of letting love override one’s better judgment. On Edward’s side–the story was about a vampire fighting his nature. On Bella’s side–the story was about abandoning all her better judgment to be with the most beautiful person she’d ever seen. In short, the book was a case study in destructive relationships. Bella ends up lying to everyone and hurting her family all for the beautiful lie. I am completely troubled by the fact that Bella and Edward’s relationship is supremely and completely based upon looks! I was surprised at it really! It seems that women criticize men for only focusing on looks (which I do not believe is the reality of the situation), but the beau of this book stands only upon his looks! His character qualities (as well as hers, for that matter) are ugly! He is arrogant, commanding, angry, and stalker-ish. The book does not hide the fact that she is mesmerized, captivated, and helplessly in love with him based solely upon his appearance. There isn’t a time that they talk that Bella does not think on his eyes, muscles, smile, or face. This shallowness also went the other way! He didn’t like her for her personality but was drawn to her because of her scent and mystery. I have no idea why girls are attracted to this obsessive “love”. If you’re a Christian, and you want to read Twilight, go ahead.

Bella is completely without self-confidence. She’s constantly putting herself down and treating her boyfriend as some superior being, using terms like “god” and “angel” to describe him. She looks down on herself just for being human, and wants to lose her humanity as soon as possible.

In turn, Edward has disturbing habits like sneaking into Bella’s room and watching her sleep, eavesdropping on her and her friends, encouraging her to deceive her father, and even disabling her truck and kidnapping her to keep her from seeing other friends.

Put all this together, and you have one very unhealthy relationship—and this is what’s being viewed by far too many teens and adults as the greatest romance since Romeo and Juliet…. Read More

Just to cite one of the most obvious concerns, we’re living in an age of Internet predators, where it’s easier than ever for criminals to reach teenage girls and lure them away from home. And here we have these books celebrating a girl who’s willing to throw away her family, her friends, her identity, and her life for a stalker with controlling, even abusive tendencies.

 
I want girls to practice purity, but I want them to do it because they know and embrace God’s will, and because they understand that they’re created in God’s image and have infinite worth and value.

I don’t want them to do it—or to do anything—because they have no will of their own and are being dictated to by some boyfriend who makes them feel inferior. And I certainly don’t want them idolizing a character in a book who lets herself be treated that way.

 
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