I never, ever feel like I belong somewhere unless I am one on one with someone. Like if it’s just me and a friend, I feel great and I have a blast. But if it’s me and two people, I always feel left out, unwanted, and as if I’m a third wheel. I don’t know if I am just being paranoid and just making this feelings up, or if I really feel that way. It’s hard to explain. But I really do feel, a lot of the time, like I am a third wheel, and I hate it.
I think something that is contributing to this feeling, is my lack of close male friends. I really only have one super close male friend that I feel comfortable sharing anything and everything with and who I never feel out of place with. But he recently got married and we hardly ever hang out anymore. I’m sure it’s my own fault that I don’t have more really close male friends. So I’m usually hanging out with my close female friends, and I’m sure every guy feels like the third wheel when its him and two female friends. Ugh, I sound so whiny right now.
I owe my tuition to the school in a week, and I’m not even going to find out about my Financial Aid stuff for another week, so I have no idea what I’m going to do about that. I am so annoyed with the Financial Aid people, I’ve been trying to fax them a paper for the entire summer, so the other day I got fed up and went to talk to them in person, and the lady tells me that I cant fax the paper in. But of course she didnt tell me this over the phone. So I wasted about two months on one paper. So I can’t buy any text books for AT LEAST another week. Im really praying that I wont need them until then.
I really miss my Cedarville (and the rest of my camp) friends, I wish there were more chances where we got to hang out through-out the year. It doesn’t really help that when I talk to some of them, they keep telling me that camp friendships never last much longer then past camp. That is really discouraging I feel.
I hate when people ask and I tell them that I dont have a girlfriend and they tell me something like “Oh don’t worry! You will find one someday!” I just feel like turning to them and saying “Thanks! I wasn’t “worried” about it, I wasn’t even thinking about it really. But now I feel self-consecious, thanks!”
To end this blog I just want to end on a few positives. First, I just want to thank the following people for making me smile, really smile, sometime this week:
- Jenny Blevins
- Miranda Goldie
- Jen Ren
- Jamie Riley
- Melissa Stacy